President Obomney could not be reached for comment.
Monday, October 29, 2012
BREAKING NEWS:
No further details are known at this time. But we were the first to report on it.
President Obomney could not be reached for comment.
President Obomney could not be reached for comment.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
God Attempting Third-Party Presidential Bid
In what could cause a slight stir in several swing-states across the nation, God has thrown his hat into the ring and announced he will be running as a third-party candidate on the Monotheist Party ticket.
The infinitely old deity is on the ballot in 46 states and is currently polling at 8.5% nationally when included in the polls with President Obama and Governor Romney. Many believe this level of popularity can largely be attributed to dissatisfaction within registered voters with the top two candidates.
I interviewed several of these likely to semi-likely voters to get their take on third-party candidates in general. One of those people was Sean Thomas, 34, of Grand Rapids, Michigan. He had this to say: "Well, I'd like to vote third-party and, uh, well I really do think this Monotheist Party have the know-how to fix a lot of the problems we have today, but I just don't want to feel like I'm throwing my vote away, you know?" The sentiment seemed to be shared by Susan Meek, 61, of Phoenix, Arizona. "Obviously God would be my ideal choice, I don't really think Mr. Obama or Mr. Romney are all that different from each other overall, but it's a choice between the two of them, at the end of the day." The rest of the likely voters I questioned claimed they did not know there were any other candidates running.
The grassroots political outsider God is a long-shot, but one thing is certain, the election could be tipped one way or another in many battleground states as a result of God's involvement. Similiarily to the 2000 election, where many believe Ralph Nader took enough votes from Al Gore in Florida to inevitably secure a win for George W. Bush.
God's campaign manager could not be reached for comment.
The infinitely old deity is on the ballot in 46 states and is currently polling at 8.5% nationally when included in the polls with President Obama and Governor Romney. Many believe this level of popularity can largely be attributed to dissatisfaction within registered voters with the top two candidates.
I interviewed several of these likely to semi-likely voters to get their take on third-party candidates in general. One of those people was Sean Thomas, 34, of Grand Rapids, Michigan. He had this to say: "Well, I'd like to vote third-party and, uh, well I really do think this Monotheist Party have the know-how to fix a lot of the problems we have today, but I just don't want to feel like I'm throwing my vote away, you know?" The sentiment seemed to be shared by Susan Meek, 61, of Phoenix, Arizona. "Obviously God would be my ideal choice, I don't really think Mr. Obama or Mr. Romney are all that different from each other overall, but it's a choice between the two of them, at the end of the day." The rest of the likely voters I questioned claimed they did not know there were any other candidates running.
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| God (2009) |
The grassroots political outsider God is a long-shot, but one thing is certain, the election could be tipped one way or another in many battleground states as a result of God's involvement. Similiarily to the 2000 election, where many believe Ralph Nader took enough votes from Al Gore in Florida to inevitably secure a win for George W. Bush.
God's campaign manager could not be reached for comment.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Nicki Minaj to be Official Spokeswoman of Buttock Augmentation Company
"Stupid Hoe" singer Nicki Minaj has signed a 12 year, 280 million dollar contract to become the new Spokeswoman and mascot of the buttock augmentation company, Bigass Butts Inc.
Nicki Minaj is currently brainstorming ideas for her third full-length album. The album is rumored to delve even further into musical experimentation than her previous efforts. With influences ranging from rap to hip-hop. I think I can speak for everyone reading this blog news report when I say omg omg omg I can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait. :))))))))))))))
Bigass Butts Inc. has recently set up a charitable foundation with billionaire Warren Buffet and Warren Buffet's secretary in The Biggass Butts + Buffet Foundation. The foundation is aimed at ending middle-aged obesity.
The state of Idaho could not be reached for comment.
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| Nicki Minaj at the 54th Grammy Awards |
Bigass Butts Inc. has recently set up a charitable foundation with billionaire Warren Buffet and Warren Buffet's secretary in The Biggass Butts + Buffet Foundation. The foundation is aimed at ending middle-aged obesity.
The state of Idaho could not be reached for comment.
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