Opening of 9/11 Themed Family Restaurant Leaves Locals Angered, Confused, Amorous

Some local residents are up in arms over the opening of a restaurant with a theme reportedly inspired by the September 11th terrorist attacks.

While most locals I have informed of this have expressed disbelief, confusion, and blank stares, some have reacted with anger.

When told of the restaurant, Bill John Rondo jr., of Florence, AL (who preferred to remain anonymous) had this to say: "Wow. Did they really? That's just [expletive] despicable. No [expletive] class at all. Bad [expletive] taste. [expletive] [expletive]holes."

I decided to investigate up-close and personal. After enjoying a Philly cheese-steak meal with a side of fries, several refills of Diet Dr Pepper and complimentary bread-rolls, I asked my waitress what she thought of all of the both of the locals angered over the restaurant's 9/11 theme. She had this to say: "Excuse me?" I demanded to speak with her manager. Normally this is where I would present our conversation in this article but I decided that would be an invasion of privacy. Andwouldalso notsupportthenarrativeIamtryingtopresent.

Nevertheless, I, as the remarkable young reporter/journalist/detective that I am, will continue to press this issue until justice is served. Until wrongs have been righted. Until no man, woman, or child will be allowed to mock the worst attack in the history of humans without getting a stern kick to the behind by Uncle Sam.

President Obama and first lady Nancy Pelosi could not be reached for comment.