Insincerity As A Fart Form

Scott Heisel hit the scene as a music reviewer on a fun website called Amazon.com with a writing style best described as "Holy shit, does this joker just listen to these CD's once at all?" After being a former reviews editor for punknews.org, he has found himself as the current music editor for Alternative Press, "reviewing" new albums such as 'Crazy World' by Boys Like Girls.

Reading Heisel's review, you can almost sense the quivering temptation to namedrop Rites of Spring. To define what "real music" is in "Urban Dictionary" form. To use the British spellings of "favorite" and "color" to further confirm his intelligence to all lowly readers that would be so lucky to be in the presence of his literaturial discharge.

The first mentally deficient statement made in his review was about how the All-American Rejects should sue  Boys Like Girls for "copyright infringement", clearly ignorant of the fact that they tour together quite frequently, so the opportunity has surely been made available if it was even remotely legitimate. Without even finishing the first paragraph, we come to one of our greatest facepalms of his published bowel movement; the claim that their songs are "lyrically empty". I wasn't aware writing about actual personal experiences could be considered devoid of meaning, but then again I don't know Heisel's home life. Scotty then makes the claim that former Boys Like Girls bassist Bryan Donahue departed the band to focus on better things, as if he was above them, when in reality, he was fired, much to his chagrin.

Scott Heisel's biggest issue with the album seems to be that he feels it to be "insincere", when in reality there are probably few bands as sincere and grateful. I can make this claim at least as confidently as Heisel can claim Martin Johnson writes about things that "don't actually exist in his world". Words of advice: It's easier to write about things that exist in anyone's world when you actually know what you're talking about.

Much to the style of Mr. Heisel, for this review, I didn't bother actually researching him or his work too extensively before I made bold, ignorant claims as to his intentions and style choices, I did a short Google search and then filled in the rest with my own misplaced prejudices and personal vendettas. Scott Heisel is as phony has they come.

Now where's my paycheck.