BREAKING: The Moon Landing Was an Inside Job!

After years of intense studying of pictures, video, audio, and smells, I have concluded without reasonable doubt that the 1969 Apollo 11 Moon Landing was, in fact, an inside job by the United States Government.

Look at the picture to the right of this text. It should be clear that this photo is undoctored, in its original form since being released almost more than four decades ago. In this pre-photoshop, pre-computer effects era, how could one conjure up such a realistic image of the weightlessness and cold dead vastness of our planet's only moon?

Now, let us ponder on the equipment present in the photo. Clearly the suit is more than equipped to handle the harshness of low-atmospheric conditions. It probably cost a fortune and a half. A landrover meant for, probably, driving around and looking at stuff. A, clearly real, space ship is planted firmly in the moon's rocky, grey, porous surface, with extra compartments for bringing back thousands of pounds in rocks. Rocks. This is beyond I or you. Only an entity such as the United States government could be capable of such a mind-numbingly pointless, money-wasting task.

If you are still not convinced, simply study, with your eyeballs, the stiffness of the flag in the picture. Explain to me how such a direct result of such low gravitational force could be replicated. In a near zero-gravity vacuum, such fabric could be manipulated to take such a shape with simple placements in the desired positions. Such stiffness of fabric, from my experience, can only be attained in Earth-like conditions with an insurmountable amount of dried semen, too much mind you, to be applied without severely clouding the colors of the old star spangled banner.

I know this will take some time to sink in. And as the respected young journalist that I am, I will most definitely continue to update all of you y'all on this important issue.



Occupy Wall Street protesters could not be reached to defecate on police vehicles and/or have public sex.